Anniversaries

This was me, a year ago.

God is good.

I've given myself permission to spend today in bed, even though it looks great outside and the temperature is (relatively) cooler.  Tomorrow is  my first IVIg in 31 days.  This is the longest I have gone between infusions so far.

I am not sure if that is why I feel so rotten (really tired, lots of pain, unsteady on my feet) or if there is another reason.  When I had the flu last December, it took months for me to recover; it is plausible that my exhaustion might be left over from the move.

I feel guilty about wasting a beautiful day like today.  But the idea of doing what I need to to do get out there is beyond my capabilities right now.  Good thing Alex is here to drain the dogs.

I can dish it out, but can I take it if I dish it out to myself?

Thursday, February 17, 2011 

I am preparing to recognize a milestone-my symptoms first appeared early in March, 2010. Whether I am going to celebrate or curse remains to be seen.
It depends on my perspective on the events of the last twelve months. A year ago I was healthy, employed, and looking forward to vacationing with my wife; two months later I was paralyzed and totally dependent on other people for everything.

Sunshine and Unicorns

Today is more than just a good day; the weather has been kind, permitting me to go about outside in the (semi) warm air and sunshine.  Plus, I have more energy than I've had in a long time. It is a great day. 

I picked up my ankle-foot orthotics yesterday.  I am still a little uncomfortable with them, but I know that is just until I get used to them.  They have been very helpful.  I had them on for about two hours today while I went grocery shopping and I was amazed at how much of a difference they make.

There was more that I wanted to share, but I am tired, so it is off to Napland.

My day out

Monday, January 31, 2011 10:43:47 PM

We woke on Wednesday morning to a house with no electricity which meant no heat, to Internet, and NO COFFEE. There was a huge ice storm in South-West Ohio last night, leaving everything coated in glass. It is very pretty to look at, but getting out of the house to find heat, Internet and good coffee was pretty tricky.

Knowledge to carry it out blues

Tuesday, December 28, 2010 10:47 AM

This is the last day of 2010 and I do not intend to reflect on the year past searching for clues and encouragement to face the year ahead. 2010 was a pretty turbulent year for me and I am looking forward to seeing it disappear my rear view mirror.

Not that it was all bad; to be truthful, the good far outweighs the bad. There was plenty of change for me and change is almost always a painful experience. Anyone who has quit smoking or some other deeply ingrained behavior knows this. At least with smoking or eating, there is some sort of physical record. I can see myself cadging a cigarette from my neighbor or eating peanut butter out of the jar at midnight to know that I have not given up smoking or grazing.

Shaking my hips from side to side

Friday, December 17, 2010 01:58 PM

I don't remember the last time I learned to walk; after all, it was over 40 years ago. It is something I never thought I would forget, but after CIDP had it's way with my nerves and the ensuing muscle loss, here I am, a toddler at age 46. 

Moving a big body like mine upright, balanced on two small platforms requires plenty of strength and coordination. There is plenty of effort in each step.

The first step was waiting for the nerves to heal enough that they could activate the muscles, then I had to rebuild my strength.  Once I could start moving the muscles, the strength came back quickly.  

Not all the muslces are working properly yet. It is hard to keep my toes up while walking, which can trip me. I need to concentrate on flexing those muscles in my feet. And also pushing off with my foot in the graceful, heels off the floor first motion while bring my leg forward requires thought.

Next, my knees; I had to learn their rhythm for walking.   Sometimes the leg needs to be flexible, sometimes it needs to be rigid.  The knee  controls that.  I have to concentrate on which leg is straight and which leg is bent and make sure the knees are doing their part.  

The latest area has been my hips and pelvis.  My impulse is too move my hips up and down or side to side while throwing my legs in front of me.  For smooth walking, that area needs to be held level.  This give me better balance and helps support my upper body.

Typically, I can't keep up that level of concentration without something to lean on.  Otherwise I would fall forward on my moon face.

Put it all together and this is what goes on in my head for every step:  

1. I start from an upright position, both feet flat on the floor.
2. I bend at the knee of the one leg, lifting that foot, the heel to toe off the ground and swing that leg forward. I place that foot on the floor in front of me, planting it from heal to toe.
3. I push off from the trailing foot, raising it from the heal first. This pushing off allows my body to swing over the pivot point created in step two. Going up on my toes is very difficult for me to accomplish, my feet don't want to bend that way.
4. Keeping the second knee straight, I bend the knee of the first leg, planting that foot in front of me, heel first again.
5. Through out this process, I need to concentrate on keeping my hips level and my body in an upright position. Right now, my tendency is to lean my torso forward, adding to the precariousness of the process.

What do you think about while walking?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010 09:41 PM