Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Can't sleep

I just had the craziest dream. I was 13 years-old and in seventh grade, in English class with some friends of mine-a couple I know from the program. We were not liked by the teacher, she stuck us up in a corner behind some things to isolate us from the class. We tried our best to keep up with the class. I knew this stuff for some reason already.

The teacher forgot to give us the same worksheet that the rest of the class was working on. Since we didn't know her name, I went to the front of the class to ask her for copies of the work. As I walked forward, I started to grow up. By the time I was close enough to talk to her, I was ready to take over the class. Mainly because one thing I know how to do is keep a roomful of seventh graders quiet and in their seats.

Weird, huh?

Anyway, I have been even more lax in writing than usual lately. Here are some pertinent points:

Passed my 90 day mark. 90 days is significant because now we start counting months of sobriety, days no longer.

On the eve of my ninetieth day I was on the floor of the emergency room bathroom throwing up from the pain of a kidney stone. At around 10 I got to see the doctor and explained to him that I was an addict in recovery, so no narcotics for me. They gave me this stuff called Toredal, a “super” anti-inflamatory.

It didn't work.

The effect was like setting fire to a book of matches then trying to put it out with spit..

Even though the pain was horrible, I was worried about compromising my sobriety. I have a problem with narcotics and was afraid to go back into that room. By 3 am, after five hours of struggling with the pain, I was exhausted. I could also feel I was starting to panic: it was getting harder to breath and I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. “Fuck it,” I thought, “They make white chips (to start or restart your sobriety) everyday.”

So I literally begged the ER doctor for something stronger.  They gave me a shot of Dilaudid and admitted me.  

While in the hospital I turned in a job application for an assistant librarian position here in town (my dream job).  But yes, I think I am ready to find some work.  

BTW I called my sponsor first thing the next morning.  He was very reassuring  as long as I am under a doctor's care, I did not break my sobriety.