Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I said, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

There were no beds for me at the local detox place, so I ended up doing it from the "comfort" of home. Mark Renton, the heroin addict protagonist of Irvine Welsh's novel Trainspotting, describes the relationship between opioids and ourselves as floating on a beautiful sea:

"This internal sea.  The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads ay poisonous flotsam and jetsam... that poison is diluted by the sea, but once the ocean rolls out, it leaves the shite behind, inside ma body.  It takes as well as gives..."

I consider myself fortunate that my withdrawal only lasted about 72 hours, 60 of them on the toilet.  But when I woke up on the fourth day, the second thing that popped in my head (the first was a realisation that I didn't have to run to the bathroom) was "Oh no, I have to be sober all day!"

That was a week ago Monday.  I spent the day dashing form metting to meeting, talking to everyone at the meetings I could, making phone calls, etc.  Their responses were unanimous:  Go to rehab. 

I miss Amy Winehouse

Actually, what they told me was that getting into a program was an invaluable asset to their lives.  I don't think that "You need to do this!" or "You need to do that!" statements are much a part of AA and NA thinking.  

It took another assessment and a doctor visit, but I started yesterday.  I am required to go to 12 hours of groups per week, work one on one with a therapist there, be seen by the big kahuna every Monday and Friday, submit to random drug screens and have my sheet signed at AA and NA meetings.

It is not as arduous as it sounds.  In fact, the hardest task is remaining open minded and honest.  I went to a men's group today and when the therapist announced that pain was going to be today's subject, there was a deafening "Guk" sound as we all tried to swallow our emotions.  But it was a safe place and we all listened and shared supportively.



There is a lot more that I want to write about, but I am getting very tired now, that ole' CIDP is still asking for its sleep tax.  

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