Decisions Decisions

I ran into Ella's favorite groomer yesterday.  She greeted me with a smile and told me she had a dream about me recently.  I said that women always tell me that (leaving out that it is usually in nightmares).

She had something very serious on her mind that she wanted to share about a big decision she had made.  With the support of her fiance, she was quitting her job.  She had faith that this was the right thing to do, but it was scary because she did not know what the next step would be.  "It might be the worst decision I ever made," she said.


I don't usually talk about program adages with non-fellowship people, but recently I had asked in an Al-anon meeting about making difficult situations, so I had an answer at the ready:  we make decisions all the time and if it turns out we made a bad one, we can make a new one.  She thanked  me by saying that was just what she needed to hear!  Imagine my joy!

See, I have been feeling really low (and agitated, and anxious and depressed with insomnia...) lately.  Right now I am waiting on an open bed at a detox facility here in Statesboro.  I made that choice after spending several days going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings (and saying those famous words, "My name is Michael and I am a drug addict and alcoholic.")  EVERYONE I talked to says the same thing (this includes drug and alcohol counselors, doctors, nurses, and plenty of people who have been where I am now): for my safety, I should go in-patient to a medically supervised detox facility.

How I got to that point is not important and I am tired of telling it to everyone anyway.  Suffice it to say that my dependence on my prescribed, narcotic painkillers has gotten far enough out of hand to scare me.  My drug addiction not only was affecting me physically and mentally, but my loved ones.

I had started the process of trying to control their use months ago when I went to the pain specialist.  It did not help and  all my other attempts to control them.  All these  had one thing in common (besides failure): Me, acting alone.

Time to call in reinforcements.  Once again, I am powerless and need help, not just for my health, but also to repair my life and mend the damage I made in other's lives.