Saturday, February 26, 2011

On Anniversaries

 I still have no idea how to understand this change. I still cannot properly describe what it means to have been a person who knew she could do anything and to discover she can do so little. But right now that doesn't matter. I am still alive. -Missy Y. (formerly A Case of You)

My first anniversary of the onset of my chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy is just days away and I am all abuzz with excitement.  The symptoms appeared at the beginning of March, but I went into the hospital on March 19th; I am not sure which date will earn the badge of being the most significant.  That is not quite sarcasm.  Perhaps June First would be a better date; that is when Dr. Boughaba correctly diagnosed my chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (and the date I began to improve). I don't really believe that the actual dates mean anything.  They are more like convenient markers that can measure the distance I am getting away from the horrid events of 2010.

What is significant is the increasing frequency of the little flashes I am experiencing of the awful times.  Those suck. The noble (and, ironically, easiest) thing to do would be to just shove that stuff back down the drain it welled out of and keep it private, but I am not the strong.  It is unpleasant to be happily going along and suddenly remember this or that  happened; then I fall back into those tortuous moments and the accompanying emotions.

Blogger Missy Y. describes her particular anniversary in way that is very familiar to what I am feeling and experiencing right now, much better than I could.  Check out her post here.   I found it quite inspiring and uplifting.
Please leave your comments below. 


  1. This comment is a response to the gist of recent posts.

    I resonate with your struggles over your coming anniversary. From my experience with CIDP and transitioning from focusing on recovery to acceptance that one has a chronic illness is a process that occurs at a very deep level touching on many things that are essential to our concept of ourselves and what life, especially our life, is about. It is a process that isn’t for the fainthearted. Painful and lonely, it takes place so deep inside where no one else can go, doing what few others can, or want to, begin to understand. I’ve been going through this process for the last 6 months. I consider them the most intense months of my life!

    Following your blog, I see you as a person willing to face and deal with challenges no matter how painful or ‘unflattering’ they may be. I so admire your honesty and openness and willingness to change and to grow. You have come a long way in a year. Your anniversary is an opportunity to process what has happened to you in this past year. It will take time, it is a bittersweet time – painful but there will moments of joy and peace and acceptance. Cut yourself some slack, be good to yourself, take time for a break from it all, but I know you will hang in there and see it through. And remember it is your unique journey; the bottom line: there is no one, except God, who can entirely understand what you are going through. But there are people in your life who will support you whether they understand or not.

    I wouldn’t be making it without my faith and a few well chosen ‘mantras’ and scripture quotes plus people who hang in there with me no matter what. Not sure if any of this makes sense or helps, but you have my prayers.


  2. Hi Pat,

    Thanks for the encouragement. I have too many thoughts rushing into my hed to make sene of them them righr now, but I will say that I could only do so much on my own; friends and family have been there since the beginning. Right now I feel that I m learning about standing more on my own and less relying on them.

    That probably makes less sense to you than it does to me, maybe no more coffee for me today.