60 Days

There has been much that I have learned in the last 60 days, but I am still having trouble organizing my thoughts.

I guess the biggest thing I have learned is that "My worst day clean and sober is better than my best day using" is not such a cliche after all.  I had a shit ton of great times being high and doing cool stuff.  But, even at the very best of those times, I knew my search for the BBB would begin again.

BBB stands for Bigger, Better Buzz.  Even my best times, what ever they were, I was worrying about the good feeling ending and what I could do to prolong it, recreate it or make it better.

I am glad to be free of that.  It is freeing to be here, now and not thinking about what I need to put into my body to improve this moment or make future ones better.

The other day I found a picture of Eloise as a puppy.  Her ears are sticking up and she has this really goofy grin on her face..At the bottom, I wrote  "Right this moment, I am happy."

Eloise is my personal clown-dog

Sobriety doesn't always make me happy, but it does give me what I need when I need it, which is only in this moment.