Five Years Ago today (March 19th, 2010)

 I didn't know what I had until it was gone.

Thank you, dear Creator, my Higher Power, God, Lord and Savior for giving me back my life.

Dear CIDP, a letter to my illness

Dear CIDP, Usually, when I think about what I would say to you if you were a person, it usually involves some anger-fueled profanity. But today, it is with gratitude that I think of you.

 "you probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do,
 I wouldn't know Just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it:
 Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter"
(Yes, I know this is Christina Aguilera, but we have lots of stuff in common.)

March 19, 2014

To celebrate the four years that have passed since I got sick and went into the hospital I

-practiced standing unassisted on rocking boat in the ocean

-rented a bike and pedaled around the island of Key West.

-thanked God for doing for  me what I couldn't do for myself.

-thanked Him again for the people who held me up and for the ones that loved me when I couldn't.

Six Months

I got my six month chip today.  To celebrate, I am doing a Cut and Paste Blog:

Famous Beer Quotes!

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years...
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-Dean Martin
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
-Anonymous
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
-G.K. Chesterton
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
-Ambrose more...

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Sober#ixzz2ROjom9y7

Sunday Gratitude

In the last week I washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the edges, moved a bunch of dirt, built another garden box and moved it, dusted the house and swept the floors.

I've been so busy trying to get this stuff done that I forgot it wasn't that long ago I couldn't do them.

The bill for this physical activity has been coming at night, when the cramps and spasms.  Poor Adrienne, the other night she woke up to me pleading, "Help me!"

It is easy to think that being pain-free is a right, when it is really a privilege.    Same for mowing the lawn and the other things I mentioned in the first paragraph.  I love that I can do these things, including having a rough, painful night without narcotics.

I feel so good right now.

1097

...days since I last worked.

On the plus side, I am feeling much better now, thank you.

Three years ago (yesterday) was the last time I worked and the first time I was hospitalized with CIDP.  I hardly think about those days any longer, other than to be grateful they are behind me.

I celebrated by buying some clothes online this morning.  Because, evidently, it has been more than three years since I bought any new clothes.

Did I mention I have begun looking for work?

Can't sleep

I just had the craziest dream. I was 13 years-old and in seventh grade, in English class with some friends of mine-a couple I know from the program. We were not liked by the teacher, she stuck us up in a corner behind some things to isolate us from the class. We tried our best to keep up with the class. I knew this stuff for some reason already.

The teacher forgot to give us the same worksheet that the rest of the class was working on. Since we didn't know her name, I went to the front of the class to ask her for copies of the work. As I walked forward, I started to grow up. By the time I was close enough to talk to her, I was ready to take over the class. Mainly because one thing I know how to do is keep a roomful of seventh graders quiet and in their seats.

Weird, huh?

Anyway, I have been even more lax in writing than usual lately. Here are some pertinent points:

Passed my 90 day mark. 90 days is significant because now we start counting months of sobriety, days no longer.

On the eve of my ninetieth day I was on the floor of the emergency room bathroom throwing up from the pain of a kidney stone. At around 10 I got to see the doctor and explained to him that I was an addict in recovery, so no narcotics for me. They gave me this stuff called Toredal, a “super” anti-inflamatory.

It didn't work.

The effect was like setting fire to a book of matches then trying to put it out with spit..

Even though the pain was horrible, I was worried about compromising my sobriety. I have a problem with narcotics and was afraid to go back into that room. By 3 am, after five hours of struggling with the pain, I was exhausted. I could also feel I was starting to panic: it was getting harder to breath and I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. “Fuck it,” I thought, “They make white chips (to start or restart your sobriety) everyday.”

So I literally begged the ER doctor for something stronger.  They gave me a shot of Dilaudid and admitted me.  

While in the hospital I turned in a job application for an assistant librarian position here in town (my dream job).  But yes, I think I am ready to find some work.  

BTW I called my sponsor first thing the next morning.  He was very reassuring  as long as I am under a doctor's care, I did not break my sobriety.